By Andre Clayton, founder of The Solemn Sir
Good men’s group activities give people something specific to do together while leaving room for conversation. Try a short check-in, a paired listening exercise, a shared project or a discussion about one real-life decision. Choose an activity that fits the group’s comfort level, explain how it works and let people pass.
Getting a group of guys together can take seventeen messages, three schedule changes and someone eventually saying, “Just tell me when.” Once everyone arrives, you still need somewhere to begin.
You do not need an elaborate retreat. A useful activity gives the gathering enough direction that nobody has to carry the entire conversation. The ideas below work for informal peer groups. Some also work online, with small changes.
Choose an activity that fits the group
Start with the kind of gathering you are actually hosting. Four friends catching up over breakfast need a different plan from ten strangers meeting on a video call. Tell everyone the purpose, how long the activity will take and whether they will be speaking to the whole group.
For personal discussions, agree to keep other people’s stories private, avoid recordings and ask before giving advice. Explain that privacy is an expectation among members, not something a facilitator can absolutely guarantee. Nobody needs to disclose trauma or prove that he is being vulnerable enough.
These are suggested formats, not clinically tested interventions. Adjust the timing and group size to your circumstances.
1 A specific opening check-in
Allow about one minute per person. Ask, “What has taken most of your attention this week?” Give each man a turn, including the option to pass. Save advice and follow-up discussion until everyone has spoken. This works online or in person and gives the group a clearer starting point than a general “How are you?”
2 A walk with one question
Pair up for a 15-minute walk on an accessible route. Offer one question, such as, “What would you like to have more time for?” Let the pair decide how deeply to answer. Rejoin the group without requiring a report about anyone else’s conversation. Online groups can use pairs in breakout rooms instead.
3 Listening without jumping in
In pairs, one person speaks for three minutes about an ordinary challenge. The listener then summarizes what he heard and asks whether he understood. Switch roles. Avoid advice during the exercise. People can choose a small topic, such as managing a busy week, rather than something intensely personal.
4 A decision to talk through
Invite one volunteer to describe a decision he is facing. Give the group five minutes to ask clarifying questions before offering suggestions. Ask the speaker what kind of input he wants. This can work well for career choices, competing commitments or a conversation he has been postponing. The decision stays with him.
5 A shared meal with one discussion topic
Meet for breakfast, lunch or a simple meal at home. Once everyone has settled in, ask a question such as, “What has changed about friendship for you as you have gotten older?” Leave space for the conversation to move naturally. Agree on the cost beforehand so participation does not depend on an expensive night out.
6 A small project with a clear finish
Choose something manageable: assemble donation kits, plant a community garden bed or help a member organize a workspace. Set the task, available tools and finishing time in advance. Match the work to people’s abilities. Build in a break where the group can talk without having to compete with machinery or instructions.
7 A skill swap
Ask a volunteer to teach something useful in 15 minutes. It could be cooking a basic meal, taking better phone photos or fixing a bicycle puncture. Invite questions and let beginners be beginners. For online gatherings, choose a demonstration people can follow without buying equipment. Rotate the teacher so expertise is shared.
8 A short reading with a real question
Pick an article excerpt, essay or a few book pages that everyone can read during the meeting. Ask, “What did you agree with, and what did it leave out?” Reading together avoids turning attendance into homework. Keep disagreement focused on ideas rather than making assumptions about the men who hold them.
9 One commitment and a follow-up
Each person names one action he wants to take before the next meeting. Make it specific enough to check: “Call my brother on Sunday” is clearer than “Be better with family.” At the next gathering, ask what happened and what got in the way. Leave room to revise a commitment without public shaming.
10 A personal timeline with a choice
Give everyone five minutes to mark three events that influenced how they see themselves. Each person may share one event, several or none. Do not interpret another man’s history for him. This is better suited to an established group that has already shown it can handle personal information respectfully.
11 A volunteer shift followed by a conversation
Choose an established organization and follow its volunteer requirements. Afterwards, leave 20 minutes for a meal or a conversation about the experience. Ask what surprised people or what they would like to do again. Keep the people receiving support out of photos and personal stories unless the organization has obtained appropriate permission.
12 A question exchange
Invite each person to write one question he would genuinely like to discuss. The facilitator reads the suggestions and lets the group choose one. Online participants can send questions privately to the host. Skip prompts that target a particular member or demand intimate disclosures. Save unused questions for another gathering.
13 Specific appreciation
Invite members to recognize a concrete action they appreciated: someone followed up, listened carefully or made space for a newcomer. Keep participation voluntary and avoid ranking people. “You checked on me after that difficult week” tells a person more than a broad compliment about being a good guy.
14 A quiet reflection before speaking
Give everyone three minutes to write about one question before discussing it. Try, “What do I need to give less of my time to?” Nobody has to read his notes aloud. This offers a way into the conversation for people who need time to think. Our journal prompts for men offer more starting points.
15 A closing takeaway
Reserve the last five minutes for one sentence from each person: “What are you leaving with?” A takeaway might be an idea, a question or a practical next step. Let people say they are still thinking. A simple closing gives the gathering an ending without requiring everyone to claim a breakthrough.
A simple plan for a one-hour meeting
Use five minutes to welcome people and explain the group’s expectations. Spend ten minutes on a check-in, 30 minutes on one activity and ten minutes discussing what came up. Save the final five minutes for takeaways and confirming the next meeting.
That is a suggested agenda, not a standard you have to meet. If a useful discussion runs long, ask the group whether it wants to continue before assuming everyone can stay.
For more questions to use during a meeting, explore our men’s group discussion topics. If you want activity ideas outside a facilitated meeting, read about building friendships through shared interests.
Common questions about activities for men
What works best for a first meeting?
Use a brief introduction, a specific check-in and one question about everyday life. Explain that members can pass. Save activities involving personal history until people have had a chance to build trust.
Can these activities work online?
Yes. Check-ins, decision discussions, readings, writing exercises and closing takeaways can all work on a video call. Explain turn-taking and ask people to join from somewhere they can respect the privacy of the conversation.
Is a peer group the same as group therapy?
No. An informal peer group offers shared conversation and support. Group therapy is a clinical service led by a qualified professional. Choose the setting that matches the support you need.
If your goal is to build friendships around a busy schedule, our guide to making friends in your 30s offers invitation examples and a practical starting plan.
Bring one question to the community
If you would like somewhere to begin, explore The Solemn Sir’s private men’s community. You can start with a question, read other perspectives and join a conversation at your own pace.