Domestic violence can happen to anyone, including men. It is not “less serious” when the victim is male, and it does not make you weak, stupid, or “less of a man.” Abuse is about power and control, not strength. If you are living through it, or watching it happen to another man, there are clear steps you can take to get safer and get support.
How common is domestic violence against men?
Men experience intimate partner violence more often than people assume.
In the United States, CDC research using the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS) has found about 1 in 7 men have experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime, and about 1 in 10 men have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner. (The Hotline)
In England and Wales, the Office for National Statistics estimated 1.5 million men (6.5%) experienced domestic abuse in the last year measured (year ending March 2025). (Office for National Statistics)
These numbers still likely understate what is happening, because shame, fear of not being believed, and worries about being seen as the “real aggressor” can keep men from reporting or seeking help. (The Hotline)
What counts as abuse (it is not only hitting)
Domestic violence against men can include:
Physical abuse: hitting, slapping, choking, restraining, throwing objects, blocking exits
Emotional abuse: humiliation, insults, constant criticism, intimidation, threats
Coercive control: monitoring where you go, isolating you from friends and family, controlling your time
Financial abuse: taking your money, preventing you from working, running up debt in your name
Digital abuse: tracking your phone, reading messages, impersonating you online
Sexual coercion: pressure, manipulation, or force around sex or sexual acts
If you are constantly walking on eggshells, changing your behavior to avoid blowups, or afraid of what will happen if you say “no,” that matters.
The shame factor: you are not “weak” for being a domestic violence men victim
A lot of men stay silent because they think they should be able to “handle it,” or they worry people will laugh, minimize it, or assume they are the abuser. That silence is one of the biggest things abuse feeds on.
If you are a domestic violence men victim, the goal is not to win an argument or prove toughness. The goal is safety, support, and a path forward.
What to do if you are being abused by a female partner
1) Prioritize immediate safety
If you are in immediate danger, call 911 (or your local emergency number).
If you can leave safely, go somewhere public or to a trusted person’s home.
Avoid rooms with weapons (kitchen) or hard surfaces (bathroom) during escalation, if you can move safely.
2) Tell someone who will take you seriously
Pick one safe person and be direct:
“I’m not okay. My partner has been abusive and I need help staying safe.”
Isolation makes abuse stronger. Connection weakens it.
3) Document what is happening (safely and legally)
This can help if you need a protective order, custody support, or criminal reporting.
Save threatening texts, emails, voicemails
Write down dates, times, what happened, and any witnesses
Photograph injuries and property damage
Consider storing copies in a secure cloud account your partner cannot access
If your partner monitors your devices, use a safer device (friend’s phone, library computer).
4) Make a practical exit plan
Even if you are not ready to leave today, plan like you might need to.
A “go bag” with ID, keys, cash, meds, spare charger, and copies of important documents
A safe destination and a code word with a friend
Transportation plan (car, rideshare, friend pickup)
If kids are involved, talk to a hotline or attorney about safe planning and custody considerations
5) Get support from professionals who understand abuse
You do not have to do this alone, and you do not have to “prove” your pain to deserve help.
Confidential support options (U.S.):
National Domestic Violence Hotline (chat and resources): (The Hotline)
They also explicitly address that men can be victims and share CDC-based statistics. (The Hotline)VictimConnect Resource Center: call or text 1-855-484-2846 or chat for local referrals and victim rights support. (Victim Connect Resource Center)
RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline (if sexual violence/coercion is part of your situation): call 800-656-HOPE (4673), chat, or text options. (RAINN)
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (if you feel overwhelmed, unsafe with yourself, or in emotional crisis): call/text/chat 988. (988 Lifeline)
If you are outside the U.S., your country likely has national domestic abuse services. The same safety principles apply, and local hotlines can route you to nearby help.
6) Consider legal protections
Depending on your situation, you can ask about:
Protective orders / restraining orders
Police reports for assaults, threats, stalking, property damage
Custody and visitation protections if children are involved
A hotline or VictimConnect can often point you to local legal aid and victim advocacy. (Victim Connect Resource Center)
What to do if you know a man being abused
Men often test the waters before they fully open up. Your response matters.
What to say (and what not to say)
Say:
“I believe you.”
“You don’t deserve this.”
“You’re not alone. Let’s figure out the next step.”
“Do you feel safe going home tonight?”
Avoid:
“Just leave.” (It can be dangerous, complicated, and shaming.)
“How did you let that happen?” (Abuse is designed to trap people.)
Jokes or minimization.
Practical ways to help
Offer a safe place to stay (if you can)
Help him save evidence or store copies
Offer to sit with him while he calls a hotline
Make a plan for check-ins and a code word
If there are weapons in the home, encourage safety planning with a professional
If you believe he is in immediate danger, treat it like an emergency.
FAQ (for search and real life)
“What if nobody believes him because his partner is a woman?”
This fear is common, and it is real. That is why documentation, calm support, and professional advocates can help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline and VictimConnect can guide a male victim through options without judgment. (The Hotline)
“Can emotional abuse count as domestic violence?”
Yes. Abuse is often about control and intimidation, not only physical harm. Many domestic violence resources explicitly include nonphysical abuse patterns. (Futures Without Violence New)
“What if he is embarrassed?”
Shame is a barrier, not a verdict. The best approach is steady, non-dramatic support: belief, privacy, and practical options.
Bottom line
Domestic violence against men is real, it is more common than most people think, and help exists. If you are a victim, you deserve safety and support without having to “earn” belief. If you know a man who is being abused, your steady response can be the difference between him staying trapped and him finding a way out.
If you want, tell me what state you are in (or your friend is in) and whether kids are involved, and I will list the most relevant local resources and a simple safety-plan checklist tailored to that situation.