Where are we as men? What are we thinking? I think a lot of us put up bars and jail ourselves from feeling most of anything. We close ourselves off from experiences and people who could have enriched our lives, and then we call that strength. We tell ourselves we are being disciplined, focused, or protected, but a lot of the time we are just afraid to feel, afraid to speak, and afraid that being honest will somehow make us less of a man.

For example, men have issues with communicating. Not because we do not know how to communicate, but because many of us believe that doing so takes something away from our manhood. That’s right. We really do believe that the more we communicate, the more we lose our manhood. We act like saying what we need makes us weak. We act like explaining how we feel makes us soft. We act like being honest gives somebody power over us.

And yes, some men have real reasons for feeling this way. Some men have dealt with toxic women who shamed them for speaking about their needs. Some men opened up and watched their honesty get used against them. Some men tried to have real conversations and were made to feel small for wanting something deeper than silence, distance, or surface-level affection. That is real, and I am not going to pretend it does not happen.

But most of us are not only reacting to our own experiences. A lot of us are reacting to what we heard from other men, from society, from strangers online, and from toxic women we do not even know. Hell, most of the time we listen more to people we have never met than we listen to ourselves. We let people who do not know us, love us, or have to live our lives tell us what manhood should look like. Then we close off our hearts to the world because society told us that is what men are supposed to do.

But we know better. We know because we are not happy. A lot of men are walking around guarded, angry, lonely, and disconnected while pretending they have everything under control. We say we do not care, but we do. We say we do not need anyone, but we do. We say we are fine, but too many of us are not. There is only so long a man can keep pretending that silence is peace.

So what would make you happy as a man? You probably already know. You just have to say it. Maybe it is peace. Maybe it is love. Maybe it is respect. Maybe it is a real relationship where you do not have to perform all the time. Maybe it is being able to speak without someone trying to tear down your manhood for having needs in the first place.

Whatever it is, say it. Say it to yourself first if you have to. Say it without being afraid of what some stranger, some bitter man, some toxic woman, or society might think. Your manhood should not be so fragile that honesty can destroy it. If speaking your truth makes someone uncomfortable, that does not mean you are less of a man. It may mean they benefited from your silence.

At some point, men have to stop letting the world define strength for us. Real strength is not pretending you feel nothing. Real strength is knowing what you feel, knowing what you want, and having the courage to say it.