People do not check on men the way they should.

We know it. We live it. Most people will ask a man how he is doing, but they do not really want the answer. For men, “How are you” is rarely a true question. It usually just means hello. You are expected to smile, nod, say “I’m good,” and keep it moving.

But try giving a real answer. Try saying you are tired, you are overwhelmed, you are going through something. Watch the look you get. Most people freeze up or change the subject. Because society is not used to men being honest about what they are feeling. We are supposed to be fine. We are supposed to be strong. We are supposed to carry it all and never say a word.

So we stop sharing. We stop reaching out. And we tell ourselves that everything is okay, even when it is not.

Then life gets busy. Work pulls us in one direction. Family in another. The days blur. And before we realize it, the people we care about have drifted into the background. We still send the occasional text. Share a funny video. Maybe drop a quick “hope you’re good.” But we stop checking in the way that matters.

I caught myself doing that with one of my closest friends. We used to see each other often. Talked all the time. But over the years it became memes and short texts. Nothing heavy. Nothing deep. And it had been years since we actually saw each other in person.

Last weekend, we finally did.

We stood in his driveway, just talking. What started as small talk turned into something real. He told me about the house he had bought with his girlfriend. She had promised to help with the mortgage, but after one huge argument, she walked out. Left him with everything. Now he is paying the full mortgage himself, along with child support from a previous marriage. He told me he had struggled deeply. That it got dark. That he had thoughts no one should face alone. He ended up seeing a psychiatrist. He is in a better place now, but getting there was not easy.

I had no idea.

And I realized I had been doing the same thing. I had not told him about my fiancée. I had not said a word about her cancer diagnosis while pregnant. About how she went through chemo while carrying our son. About the early delivery, the surgery, the painful recovery. I had not shared any of it. Not because I did not want to, but because those conversations are too heavy for a text message. They need more space than a screen can hold.

When we finally talked about it, it felt like a weight came off both of us. We felt seen. We felt understood. Not because we fixed anything, but because we showed up for each other. Fully and honestly.

Before I left, we pulled out our calendars and scheduled the next time we would meet. Not just a vague “let’s do this again.” We gave it a date and a time. Because when something matters, you make time for it.

So here is what I want to say to you. Check on your people. Not just with a text. Not just with a like or a comment. Check in with your presence. Your voice. Your attention.

If they are close, meet in person. If they are far, pick up the phone or set up a video call. Do not wait for them to reach out. Do not assume they are fine. Do not let the silence trick you into thinking nothing is wrong.

Because most men are not going to say it out loud. We are not going to announce that we are struggling. But that does not mean we are not carrying something heavy.

Society has done a poor job of making space for men to be human. But we can create that space for each other.

Send the message. Make the call. Take the drive. Sit down and talk. Look your brother in the eye and ask how he is really doing.

And when he answers, listen.

You do not need to fix it. You just need to be there.

And sometimes, being there is what makes all the difference.