Let’s be honest. Most of us weren’t handed a manual on how to be a man. We picked things up from our dads, uncles, older brothers, the guys at work, or whatever we saw on TV. Some of it helped. A lot of it didn’t.
And now here you are. Searching, thinking, maybe even feeling stuck. Googling “how to be a better man” isn’t weakness. It’s self-awareness. It means you’re paying attention. And that’s where growth begins.
The truth is, becoming a better man doesn’t mean becoming someone else. It means becoming more of who you really are, once you get past the pressure, the pride, and all the noise.
1. Show up for yourself first
You can’t take care of others if you’re running on empty. That means getting real about your mental and physical health, keeping your own promises, and knowing when to say no.
It’s not about perfection. It’s about consistency. Wake up when you said you would. Follow through on the plans you made. Make the call you’ve been avoiding. Small wins build momentum.
Try this:
Use a habit tracker to build better routines. Apps like Fabulous or journaling your goals each morning can help. If you need something to guide your thinking, look into a book like Atomic Habits.
2. Take responsibility, not shame
Better men don’t avoid mistakes. They own them. Taking responsibility isn’t about beating yourself up. It’s about asking what you can learn and doing better next time.
If you mess up, say so. If you hurt someone, acknowledge it. If you fall short, get back up. Growth doesn’t come from pretending to be perfect. It comes from showing up again with more awareness.
Try this:
Use reflection prompts or a journal to process tough moments. You can also talk to Gavin, our AI companion, to sort out what happened and how you want to move forward.
3. Speak honestly, listen fully
Most of us were raised to hold it in. But silence isn’t strength. It wears you down over time. A better man speaks the truth with clarity and respect. Not to control the room, but to be real.
Listening is just as important. Listen without interrupting. Without trying to fix. Just be present. People remember that more than you think.
Try this:
Practice speaking honestly in low-stakes situations. Get used to saying what you feel. On the flip side, try active listening exercises or just sit with someone without trying to give advice.
4. Be around men who challenge you
If you’re the strongest or smartest guy in every room, it might be time to find new rooms. Better men don’t compete with each other. They build each other up.
Find men who are grounded. Men who care about growth, not just image. Men who’ll hold you accountable without tearing you down. Brotherhood matters.
Try this:
Check out the forum here on The Solemn Sir and engage with the conversations. Or start your own support circle. Even one or two real friendships can go a long way.
5. Let go of the image
You don’t need to be the toughest, richest, or most impressive man in the room. You just need to be honest. The image of the “ideal man” is usually built on fear and ego. Real life is deeper than that.
You’re allowed to have doubts. You’re allowed to change. You’re allowed to not have it all figured out.
Try this:
Watch a documentary like The Mask You Live In or read something that challenges the traditional idea of masculinity. Or, if you just need to talk it through, open up a conversation with Gavin.
Final thought: start with one step
You don’t need to flip your life upside down. Just pick one thing. One habit. One relationship. One area where you know you could do better. And start there.
That’s how real change begins.
Looking for support while you grow?
Head to our Forum to access conversations created just for men like you. Or talk to Gavin, our AI companion, whenever you need to think something through, vent, or figure out your next step.
You’re not doing this alone anymore.